


Don't Gamble with a Seven year old genius

by 19lilacdemetrius97



Series: BabyBatCult [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce still loves his kids, Children are literally the worst.... especially Bruce's, Don't play strip poker with a seven year old, Hal and Barry will probably never be the same again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19389154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19lilacdemetrius97/pseuds/19lilacdemetrius97
Summary: Bruce isn't someone who turns down a babysitter, never mind two. Also, his kids are very good at acting





	Don't Gamble with a Seven year old genius

Bruce stretched and yawned as he returned to the manor. He had left the kids with Barry Allen and Hal Jordan since the two had offered. Bruce was sure that they wanted something from him and were trying to get into his good books. 

Jokes on them, they were already in Bruce’s good books. 

Free babysitting on the other hand… Especially for children as unique as his…

Well a little sucking up never hurt anyone and Bruce and Alfred needed a night off. 

It wasn’t like a bunch of kids could kill two fully grown men… at least not physically. Probably.

Bruce snuck into the house and followed the sound of human suffering until he found his children scattered all over the floor. They didn't make a mess which was a positive. Nothing looked broken and no one was bleeding. He looked around and sighed in defeat when he saw Barry and an unconscious Hal. 

From the looks of it, the kids had played strip poker with the two of them. Bruce deduced this because Hal and Barry were currently in nothing but what looked like a loin cloth. Their clothes, on the other hand, were currently acting as an arts and crafts project. Damian, Cass and Steph had acquired the scissors, sparkles and glitter and were decorating the clothes. Tim was sitting on a large pile of poker chips while flipping through a wad of cash with an innocent smile on his face.

Jason and Duke were drawing on Hal’s arms and torso with colored sharpies. Jason was drawing a rather good dragon on his chest. Bruce looked to the side and sighed when he saw wax strips in the garbage. 

Duke was drawing a bunch of flowers. He kept telling Jason about what kinds they were which was kind of cute.

Hal’s face was already ruined if the pink monocle and french mustache had anything to say about the matter. There was a cute purple butterfly on his cheek. 

Bruce couldn’t hear what Dick was saying but whatever he was saying must be boring since Barry looked like he’d rather be in Hal’s position at the moment.

Bruce headed back to the front door and waited there for a few seconds before loudly saying “I’m home!” He opened and slammed the door for dramatic effect.

Instantly there was a scatter of feet and a minute later he had his seven precious kids smiling up at him. Bruce went to the room he saw the kids in and couldn’t help but be a little impressed. Hal and Barry were dressed in some of his old clothes he wouldn’t recognize if he wasn’t thinking too hard about it. Hal’s face had make up to cover up the marker and the mess was gone. 

Bruce had no idea how the kids did it. He couldn’t help be a little proud though.

“Were the kids well behaved?” Bruce asked, ruffling Tim’s head. Tim shot Bruce a sweet, angelic smile. Bruce had to admit that Tim really knew how to pull on the heartstrings. 

Bruce also tried to ignore the fact that the rest of his kids were currently glaring at their babysitters. Did he just hear someone unshealth a knife? Why did that sound like it came from Damian’s direction?

“They were perfect angels.” Barry said, sounding strained. 

“Great kids.” Hal agreed with the same energy as Barry.

Ah, fear. Hal and Barry were afraid of a bunch of kids. Maybe they were just scared of not living up to Bruce’s expectations.

Bruce smiled, “That’s great! Kids, did you like hanging out with Barry and Hal?”

He got seven innocent smiles and nods. “Yeah, they’re so fun!” Duke chirped in. 

Bruce nodded. “I’m glad you feel that way. Next time I need a babysitter I’m sure to call them first.” he kind of enjoyed the way he could see the life leave Hal and Barry’s bodies. Of course Bruce wouldn’t be so mean as to ever leave Hal and Barry at the mercy of his children again. But it was entertaining to watch them squirm. “Wait outside, I’ll be right out.” he offered. 

Hal and Barry scurried off. Once they were gone Bruce turned to the kids. “I told you to behave.” 

They didn't even have the shame to look guilty.

“It’s was going fine up until Tim asked them if they wanted to play poker.” Jason pointed out. 

Tim shot him a cute smile. “The others were picking a movie so I asked if they wanted to play. I wiped both of them out completely within 5 rounds. They insisted that we keep playing. They’re the ones who bet their clothes in the first place, they wanted to win back the money. Hal even brought back in by telling us we could wax him and draw on him. Barry at least knew when to give up.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “How much did you win off them?”

Tim took out his iPad and started tapping on it with a serious look on his face. “They had about 50 cash each. Hal wired me about 4000 and Barry wired me around 5000 dollars.”

No wonder they were so desperate to get their money back. 

“Alright, go bed. All of you.”

Bruce watched them scurry upstairs and went outside. Hal and Barry were standing awkwardly.

Bruce slipped them both 50 dollars. “For future reference, Tim has an eidetic memory and is very good at counting cards and reading people’s poker faces. He’s been kicked out of 16 casinos and he’s only seven years old.”

“I didn't know seven year olds could gamble at casinos.” Barry said numbly.

Bruce chose not to comment on that.

“Have a nice night. You can return the clothes next time you see me.” he told them before closing the door in their faces.


End file.
